Binge Eating Disorder

OMJ, I got BED. my body weight has grown up to 4 lbs. I hate this situations. Everytime I was starting to eat, I don't know why I can't stop to bite every snack/food. I hate myself. this is my weakness. this is my fault. oh my God, what happen to me? when I was eating, I can't stop to eat till I feel disgusting n feel guilty. till my stomach as if will be explode. I will throw up, but I didn't. then I drink some laxative tea. Omj, I kill my self with slowly. I will die. I want to be health. I will be skinny